"I Won't Spend My Hard-Earned Money On Them": Men Defend Their Choice Not To Date Single Moms

Date April 4, 2019

How many single mothers are there in the U.S. and the UK?

According to the U.S. Census Bureau, there are about 13.7 million single parents in the U.S., of which about 82% are women.

"I Won't Spend My Hard-Earned Money On Them": Men Defend Their Choice Not To Date Single Moms"I Won't Spend My Hard-Earned Money On Them": Men Defend Their Choice Not To Date Single MomsGeorge Rudy /

READ ALSO: Single Parenting Rocks! Father Of Four Shares Inspirational Story Of Raising His Kids

Gingerbread, a UK charity supporting single parents, gives the following figures: 1.8 million single parents living in the UK, about 90% of which are women.

"I Won't Spend My Hard-Earned Money On Them": Men Defend Their Choice Not To Date Single Moms"I Won't Spend My Hard-Earned Money On Them": Men Defend Their Choice Not To Date Single MomsTierneyMJ /

Needless to say, being a single mom shouldn’t prevent a woman from dating. Many women who are raising their kids alone meet men who eventually become their husbands and raise these women’s children as if they were their own. However, a growing number of men are saying ‘no’ to starting a relationship with women who already have children. Here’s how some of them explain their choice.

How men defend their choice not to date single moms

For these men, it’s a matter of principle: having a relationship with a single mom is strictly off the table. One of them is Jonathan Cass, and he explained to Sun Online why dating a single mom is not an option for him.


A post shared by Jonathan cass (@jonathancass1) on

First, he says he’s adventurous, but going on a trip with a young child always means careful planning:

I’m a really spontaneous person and love the idea of saying to my partner, ‘come on, pack your bags, let’s go away for a couple of days’ but you can’t do that with kids. Everything has to be planned and organized beforehand.


A post shared by Jonathan cass (@jonathancass1) on

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On top of that, he’s been there before and he’s a divorced father, so in his particular case it was difficult for him emotionally:

I’ve been married twice and had a son in my first marriage – who is now 27 – and in between the two marriages I did date a woman with a son but I felt like she wanted me to become a father-figure to this child.

It raised lots of complex feelings: I felt guilty to be spending more time with her and her son than my own and I didn’t like the idea of stepping on someone else’s toes as his biological father was still very much around.


A post shared by Jonathan cass (@jonathancass1) on

Another argument Jonathan makes is that single moms can be high-maintenance, and he doesn’t like that:

I don’t want to be part of a family unit and splashing out on days out together. Single mums are too expensive. I’m feeling selfish and not dating women with children is part of that.


A post shared by Jonathan cass (@jonathancass1) on

Paul Dakers agrees with Jonathan wholeheartedly. He told Sun Online he had dated a single mom of three children, and her kids were all she talked about. And that her children are another man’s children also was off-putting for Paul.

He added that he wouldn’t want to spend money on another man’s kids:

I might also feel reluctant to spend my hard-earned money on them.

Richard Cooper, whose video about “the dangers of dating single mothers” garnered more than 600,000 views, summed it up in this tweet:

The case in favor of dating single moms

However, many men beg to differ. Blogger Derrick Jaxn made a video outlining the reasons why dating a single mother is actually good. Here are his reasons, in a nutshell:

  1. Single moms are usually used to cooking, which is a plus.
  2. They practice responsible budgeting.
  3. They live a settled life, staying home taking care of the kids instead of going to parties.
  4. The majority of them are not judgmental and are not going to judge you if you’re also a single parent.
  5. By looking at how a single mom interacts with her kids, you’ll know what kind of mom she will be to your kids in the future.
  6. A single mom won’t run for the hills at the first sign of trouble, such as sudden unemployment, sickness, or other unforeseen adverse circumstances.

A post shared by Self Love Ambassador (@derrickjaxn) on

We can’t say that either of the two groups of men is right. It seems that they are forgetting that every single mom is, first of all, an individual.

Like every other group of people, single moms are very diverse in their personalities, needs, and preferences. When will people realize this?

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