"How To Love A Child You Didn't Plan To Have": Young Mother Splits Social Media With Her Controversial Experience
November 15, 2018
Not all children are planned. Many young women face their pregnancy completely unprepared for the reality of their situation. According to The Shriver Report, 50% of pregnancies in the US are unplanned, and 43% end in abortion.
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But not all mothers are ready to disrupt their pregnancy, especially if they're living with a committed partner. However, even when you're in a supportive relationship, how do you accept the child you weren't planning to have, and, most importantly, learn how to love it?
Unprepared mother shares her story
Olivyah Bowens was 21 when she found out about her first pregnancy. At the time, she was with her boyfriend of 10 years, Toddrick, and although the couple always talked about wanting to have children, this wasn't the right time for them. Olivyah was a college student and not ready to sacrifice her ambitions to raise a child.
DAY TWO: #motherhoodnofilter My body doesn’t belong to me any more. Those were the words echoing in my head as I cringed in pain while breastfeeding. The act of birthing my baby (naturally) made me feel incredibly strong, but just days later my confidence was shot. Dark and deflated belly Bags under my eyes Engorged breasts The person looking back at me in the mirror was one I had never met before. The combination of feeling just plain ugly and breastfeeding on demand made me feel sexually void. I didn’t want to be touched let alone looked at without baggy clothes to disguise my “mom bod”. Although my snapback was fairly fast I was still holding the uncomfortable angst of not feeling sexy anymore. It was more than just my figure that was impacting my perception it was the act of feeding my child. Suddenly, my breasts went from being a place of sensuality to place of discomfort and awkwardness. I didn’t know how to relate to my breasts in a way that wasn’t sexual and so I hit the extreme opposite, cold. Navigating the nurturing feelings of motherhood and the familiar emotions of romance was weird in this new body. No one had prepared me for this. … The insult to injury was my lack of breastfeeding education. I went for weeks not knowing what a deep latch was and because of that I was in constant PAIN. I also was being encouraged to pump so other people could feed the baby but I ended up in a mad cycle of being engorged EVERY SINGLE DAY for weeks, because I was demanding my body to over produce milk. Looking back, I can only wonder why my midwife had not prepared me for this. Thankfully, I found some youtube videos that helped me tremendously. … After having another baby, becoming a doula and doing some DEEP personal work I’ve been successfully breastfeeding for nine months and enjoying it! It took time to get to know this new womban, it took time to heal. ... MANTRA: I AM DIVINE I HARNESS THE POWER TO CREATE I AM SACRED MEDITATION: What has hindered you from feeling womanly/feminine? Has childbearing impacted your sensual energy? Look back at what pain or fear is resting in your woman. Take time to process why it is there and what needs to happen to release