“I Want Them To Look The Same, And I Want Them to Look Great All The Time”: Mom Picks What Her Kids Wear. Is It Good Or Bad?
October 2, 2018 16:37 By Fabiosa
A recent video on YouTube showed a mother, Tammy, who always picks clothes for her kids to wear. In the clip, Tammy is shown getting her girls set for the morning and then giving them each the same type of sweater to wear.
One of her daughters, Miley, complained about the sweater, calling it 'itchy'. The mother, however, simply tells her that she has the same one on, and it doesn't itch.
In her own words,
I picked out the white sweater because that's what I wanted them to wear, I want them to be the same, bottom line, I want them to look great all the time.
Tammy's statement sure raises a lot of questions in our minds.
Should kids have a say when it comes to dressing?
From Tammy's situation, it can be immediately seen that with regards to dressing, the kids have no say. So, how then does her decision affect the kids?
Author, K.J Dell’Antonia, recently asked a similar question for her readers to discuss when it comes to a parent having the rule over a kid’s outfit.
According to her, parents who, in their youth, wore some ‘improper’ clothing, may not allow their kids to do the same. One reason for this phenomenon is the belief in the legitimacy of what is known as ‘Parental authority'.
This authority refers to a parent’s attempt to influence their child's behavior. It is believed that parents have the right to set rules over some things but not over others. She explained that people classify matters under different domains such as:
- Moral domain: issues that are considered fundamentally wrong or right.
- Personal domain: One that affects the individual.
- Prudential domain: Safety related issues.
- Conventional domain: Societal conventions (e.g using Dad and mum for your parents, instead of their names).
There may be overlaps sometimes, for example, a parent may tell a child to clean their room. To the child, it is a personal domain issue, while to the parent it is conventional. However, setting rules based on personal domain issues constitutes an abuse of parental authority.
Irina Salmankhanova / Shutterstock.com
However, while dress code may be a personal domain, it can also be conventional. For example, one may not be allowed to wear some types of clothing in some areas because they might attract hostility and unwanted attention.
So what can one do in such a situation where a rule is looked at as abuse of parental authority? Forcing it is out of the question, as it will just make the child rebel. Instead, parents are advised to explain to the child why they can legitimately set rules on those otherwise, personal domain issues. The child may not agree, but they would be more likely to understand.
Furthermore, instead of what they must wear, parents can set rules only on what they can't wear. These would provide better results and reduce the child's tendency to lie and sneak around.
What did Super Nanny have to say?
In the case of Tammy from the video above, Super Nanny offered a smart solution. Tammy was asked to choose two outfits, from which her girls would decide which they liked.
This method ensured Tammy remained in a position of control over her children's dressing, while also giving the children a chance to choose. Definitely a super nanny!