PSYCHOLOGY

What Can A Parent Do To Leave The Best Memories In The Event Of Early And Untimely Passing?

Date April 18, 2019 14:28

Everybody hopes to life a long and happy life, but it’s not for us to decide. People perish from illnesses or accidents, sometimes leaving behind orphaned children. And even if they are quite grown at the time of the death of their parent, the memory of the latter fades over time. What they remember is a feeling of security, family traditions, relationships and... criticism.

What Can A Parent Do To Leave The Best Memories In The Event Of Early And Untimely Passing?CHAIWATPHOTOS / Shutterstock.com

Even when a person has the opportunity and time to think about one's relationships with children, little can be changed. But it is in everyone’s power to make sure that, in addition to silent photos, there is something more we leave behind – memories of the bond between parent and child, our thoughts, care, and love.

What Can A Parent Do To Leave The Best Memories In The Event Of Early And Untimely Passing?Syda Productions / Shutterstock.com

A columnist for Huffington Post previously shared two examples of how parents managed to leave a memory of themselves for their children.

What Can A Parent Do To Leave The Best Memories In The Event Of Early And Untimely Passing?husbands stress their wives more than childrenfizkes / Shutterstock.com

Charles King passed away while serving his country far away from home when his son was only six months old. He saw the baby only once, six weeks before his death. But he left his family about 200 pages of handwritten text with memories, thoughts, dreams, and plans for the future.

What Can A Parent Do To Leave The Best Memories In The Event Of Early And Untimely Passing?Syda Productions / Shutterstock.com

Kate Green died of cancer, leaving behind two small children. She devoted the last days of her life to writing notes and messages to her husband. She asked him to kiss each of her sons twice, as if for her too, to involve them in as many school activities as possible, to remind them how she loved to spend time with them, and what they liked at different ages, to raise them as good men and decent people. Dozens of text messages and tiny notes became a memory of her.

What Can A Parent Do To Leave The Best Memories In The Event Of Early And Untimely Passing?-lovelyday12 / Shutterstock.com

A woman named Gaby also shared her story. One of her friends passed away, leaving three children aged 10 and younger. It affected Gaby, also a mother, so much that she interviewed about 100 people who had lost one or both parents in order to understand what exactly they would like to remember about them.

What Can A Parent Do To Leave The Best Memories In The Event Of Early And Untimely Passing?UfaBizPhoto / Shutterstock.com

The data gathered by her can be reduced to a rather short list. These people would like to:

  • hear their father or mother say their name and say that they are proud of them;
  • relive a habitual ritual from childhood – to hear them say good night, recite a favorite nursery rhyme, or utter a phrase that spoke of love;
  • get a piece of advice or learn the father or mother’s thoughts on a certain matter, even what floor cleaner they used;
  • listen to stories from the parents’ lives.

What Can A Parent Do To Leave The Best Memories In The Event Of Early And Untimely Passing?-Africa Studio / Shutterstock.com

And there have been people who, after the initial shock of a terminal diagnosis, started created memories for their relatives. For example, 42-year-old Dean Macklow recorded about 80 video messages to his son and daughter. In some of them, he told funny stories from his life, recalling the times when the children were little. In others, he shared thoughts and lessons that he had learned. And in still others, he talked about how he loved his wife and what he wanted for his dearest.

What Can A Parent Do To Leave The Best Memories In The Event Of Early And Untimely Passing?happy momentskuzmaphoto / Shutterstock.com

No one likes to think about one's own death. But unfortunately, we are not always the way we would like to be remembered: we can lose temper, make mistakes, or hurt someone unintentionally. Not everyone will have the patience to keep a diary or meticulously prepare for the worst, especially when there is no reason to be concerned. But what we can and should do for our children is to love them and tell them about it more often; be patient, caring, and create happy memories. There is nothing too difficult about signing a card or shooting a family video, right?