PSYCHOLOGY

3 Parental Mistakes That Render Children Uncontrollable

Date May 22, 2019

Parents of capricious and disobedient children know that it is next to impossible to change them once they got used to always getting their way. Such mothers and fathers bend over backwards trying to satisfy all the whims of their little rebel. Or simply allow everything. We singled out 3 main and common mistakes that most parents make in promoting disobedience and tantrums in their child.

3 common parenting mistakes

1. Paying attention to bad behavior only

You always punish your children for doing something wrong, being noisy, and bad behavior, but their attempts to be obedient (collecting the toys; playing quietly when asked; eating and getting dressed without making a scene) mostly go unnoticed. React to positive efforts as well, or else the tantrums will get more frequent as a way of attracting your attention.

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2. Not making the rules clear

Usually, a child is driven by a desire to avoid punishment and get approval from elders. If one or both parents give unclear or contradicting instructions on the same issue, the child is confused and does not know how to proceed and what to expect. Another variety of this mistake is to change the rules depending on your mood or the weather.

3. Failing to stick to the plan or not having one at all

First and foremost, a child needs discipline. When it comes to obedience, it is imperative to note the progress in the kid’s behavior so that particular form of disobedience doesn’t return – especially if it is connected with lying or aggression. Agree with all adults involved in raising the child to treat certain actions consistently and in the same manner.

3 Parental Mistakes That Render Children UncontrollablePressmaster / Shutterstock.com

What to do if the child does not listen?

1. Give a choice. Does a child refuse to eat something? Let him or her choose to eat porridge with berries or eggs. Is he refusing to get dressed? Give him the option between a red or blue shirt. Give the little individual an opportunity to make his own decisions.

2. Teach through play. Set a timer for tidying the room. Offer your children to try food they don’t want to eat in very small portions. Ask your child questions that are likely to elicit the “yes” answer more often. Reward the child’s proactivity and positive behavior.

3 Parental Mistakes That Render Children UncontrollableSong_about_summer / Shutterstock.com

3. Listen. When you ask your child about their day at school, it’s better to avoid general questions like “How was your day?” Be more specific, like “What was funny/interesting at school today?”

4. Put yourself in your child’s shoes. Forget your grown-up seriousness once in a while and remember what it’s like to be a child who wants to play and have fun, not follow a bunch of boring rules. What would you do if you were a child?

5. Do not punish for the sake of punishment. Disciplining should be aimed at preventing a child from repeating unwanted behavior in the future. It is not just slaps and threats. Otherwise, if you have the right to scold the child for every little reason, he or she will feel entitled to revolt.

The importance of parenting is hard to overestimate. Childhood experiences lay the foundation for future behavior and have a huge impact on a child's future family life. Being a worthy example  minimizes the risk that a child grows up uncontrollable or aggressive.

Do you have your own effective tricks that have helped you cope with stubborn children?


The material in this article is for informational purposes only and does not replace the advice of a certified specialist.