“It Was Unbearable”: Women Come Forward Confessing That They Regret Having Children
March 26, 2019 15:23 By Fabiosa
Motherhood is not only a gift from above, but also a real test for a woman, her husband, and their relationship. Some women don’t want to have children and find dozens of reasons for this. And there are women who even regret having kids. As it often happens, one public confession is followed by many more similar ones. Here, we gathered a few of them.
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Laura, a 37-year-old journalist from Los Angeles, was of the belief that she wanted to be a mother, but it changed after she gave birth. And it wasn’t postpartum depression. She just at some point had a sad revelation that when her husband went to work and grandmas went home, Laura was left on her own with her son, deprived of any privacy, work, hobbies, and other activities.
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I realized that this was my life now—and it was unbearable. After I had a kid, I realized I hated being the mother to an infant, but by then it was too late.
Corinne Maier, a French psychotherapist, writer, and mother-of-two from Brussels, was also not afraid to open up about her disappointment by writing an essay No Kids: 40 Reasons Not to Have Children. The piece of writing was widely regarded as very selfish and distasteful.
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60-year-old Isabella Dutton also admitted that although she loved her children very much, she realized that if she had not become a mother, her life would have been much happier and ultimately better.
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And these are not isolated cases! There is even a whole Facebook group entitled “I Regret Having Children” with almost 16,000 subscribers! Just imagine how many repentant moms are out there pretending to love their kids and taking care of them.
What are the possible reasons for this?
- The pressure of a stereotype that motherhood is a heavy burden.
- Lack of support and assistance from the father of the child.
- Gender inequality (a man builds a career and enjoys doing his favorite things, while a woman stays at home with a child just withering away).
- Social expectations that may increase a new mom’s anxiety (that she should be a perfect mother and housekeeper).
- Undesired pregnancy (accidental or if it was more the man’s idea).
How to help a mother so that she doesn’t regret having children?
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- First of all, a woman should help herself by not limiting her life only to a child. It is necessary to delegate duties, find time for sports, a hobby or, perhaps even a home-based job.
- Offer her psychological help if the situation requires it.
- Make sure she meets with friends or socializes with other young moms.
- Help her around the house and take care of the child.
- Invite her for a walk and talk to her.
If a woman keeps socializing and doesn’t retreat to the confines of her home, surrounded by children and endless chores, then she will have no reason to regret having brought a new life to this world. The bottom line is everyone just wants to feel beautiful, valued, and understood.
The material in this article is for informational purposes only and does not replace the advice of a certified specialist.