I Want To Send My Parents To A Nursing Home. Am I A Terrible Person?

Family & Kids

June 10, 2019 12:31 By Fabiosa

Most people soon face the period in their lives when they have to take care of elderly parents themselves. The seniors are usually capricious, stubborn, reluctant to accept changes, and don’t want to move. But even the most “rebellious” of them become so not because of bad character, but rather because they don’t want to become a burden. One way or another, such conflicts often lead children to think about sending their parents to a nursing home.

I Want To Send My Parents To A Nursing Home. Am I A Terrible Person?tomertu / Shutterstock.com

Is it ethical to do this with elderly parents who have invested their lives in us? Let’s see what netizens think about this:

I Want To Send My Parents To A Nursing Home. Am I A Terrible Person?PongMoji / Shutterstock.com

@Sharon White:

It depends!!!

An aging parent’s declining health can be difficult to cope with as the roles of parent and child are suddenly reversed. You want to ensure that your elderly parents will be comfortable and well cared for in the future, but the demands of acting as the primary caregiver may be too overwhelming.

@Devan Long:

It is unethical, if they are placed there out of spite, forcefully. Furthermore, if the elderly parents are at risk even in their own home, & no other option is available (such as staying with adult children), then it would justify having them reside in a nursing home.

@Guadalupe Wilburn:

No, it is not unethical. If you aren't able to take out the time from your schedule to tend to the needs of your aging parents, it is much better to put them in a nursing home where they are taken care of constantly.

I Want To Send My Parents To A Nursing Home. Am I A Terrible Person?Fotoluminate LLC / Shutterstock.com

So, what can make you think about sending parents to a nursing home?

  1. Demanding special care health condition.
  2. Personal obligations and restrictions.
  3. Inability to ensure a good quality of life.
  4. Financial aspect, when a nursing home is more economical.
  5. Responsibility of sharing parents with brothers and sisters.

I Want To Send My Parents To A Nursing Home. Am I A Terrible Person?Alrandir / Shutterstock.com

How to make the right decision?

  1. Discuss your options with all family members who may be affected by the final decision.
  2. Appoint a primary caretaker in case the spouse has serious health problems.
  3. Weigh the pros and cons of any possible scenario with all the risks and ensuing consequences.
  4. Listen to your conscience.

I Want To Send My Parents To A Nursing Home. Am I A Terrible Person?shutter_o / Shutterstock.com

Nowadays, many people have faced the need to make such a decision. What drove them, and how did they feel? We also tried to find the answer to these questions:

@Ramona Flores:

I wish I could trust anyone with my dad. He was diagnosed with Parkinson's, and I have seen him abused by hospital and nursing home staff. They assumed that because he was brought in alone, while I was at work in another city, that he 1) had no one to defend him, and 2) was broke because his insurance was Medicare and felt they didn't need to expend any extra effort.

@Nina Gilliam:

Mom and Dad were living 2,000 miles away from me at the time he had a stroke. Mom did her very best to care for him on her own. However, my dad had always been overweight, with a large, Santa Claus stomach. My mom was wearing herself out, but wouldn't allow the visiting care professionals I hired to help. Because his dementia was worsening and I was concerned that my mom's resistance to accepting help was putting them both in danger, we decided to move my dad into their locked Memory Care unit.

@Susan Cox:

Having witnessed the trials my parents have gone through when providing long term care for my grandparents, I think for many people the nursing home is the last choice.

Modern facilities aren’t places where people come to die. People find there new acquaintances, hobbies and care – social and medical. Parents can visit and, most importantly, don’t worry about their safety. Isn't this what the children want?

I Want To Send My Parents To A Nursing Home. Am I A Terrible Person?Ruslan Guzov / Shutterstock.com

It is worth remembering that modern facilities of this kind aren’t places where people go to die. People find  new acquaintances, hobbies, and care – social and medical. The adult children can visit and, most importantly, don’t worry about their parents' safety. Isn't this kids want?

I Want To Send My Parents To A Nursing Home. Am I A Terrible Person?Elderly woman holding hands on her caneBerna Namoglu / Shutterstock.com

These are just a few of the many opinions. Everyone decides for him- or herself whether or not to send parents to a nursing home, depending on the situation and conditions they require. And what do you think about this? Share your thoughts in the comments.