PSYCHOLOGY

10 Phrases Parents Tell Children That Can Give Them Complexes As Adults

Date November 6, 2018 14:31

You don't need to be a psychologist to recognize that the childhood and adult life of any person are interconnected. This applies to all areas: happiness in personal affairs, success in the profession, and building relationships with the world and with yourself.

10 Phrases Parents Tell Children That Can Give Them Complexes As AdultsAlohaHawai / Shutterstock.com

READ ALSO: 5 Things That Happen When Parents Yell At Children

The common phrase, “We are all products of our childhood,” becomes very relevant when it comes to the habits and character of an adult. Remember this while communicating with your children, especially in the way you choose words and expressions, whether you want to scold or educate them.

Phrases to cross out of your vocabulary

We are sure that you find wonderful phrases when you want to praise a child. And when it comes to punishment, most often parents do not choose words and phrases, because they are in the heat of the moment. Have you wondered how it affects the child's psyche? Sometimes it is a direct path to raising a complex person.

We will give 10 of the most common phrases that you should avoid in conversations with kids.

1. "Don't be so shy"

10 Phrases Parents Tell Children That Can Give Them Complexes As Adultsaltanaka / Shutterstock.com

If you force children to greet, hug, or kiss those who they feel uncomfortable with, then you are in essence violating the boundaries of their space and body. They will remember that anyone who has the higher ground or more authority can do this. It is better to ask them in private why they don't want to do it. The answer may surprise you.

2. "If you behave badly, we will give you to..."

Then a list of “the boogeyman, policeman, gypsies” who would want to have such a child, follows. There is no need for parents to use scare tactics when children misbehave. This may cause an ingrained fear that could carry on into adulthood. In addition, saying you will hand your child over to someone else for punishment says to them that you as a parent cannot control and discipline them. 

10 Phrases Parents Tell Children That Can Give Them Complexes As AdultsAlohaHawai / Shutterstock.com

3. "Because I said so"

Authoritarianism doesn't do any good. If a child can not hear your explanation of why they should or shouldn't do something, then the task will be thoughtless or even sabotaged. As an adult, your son or daughter may react similarly to the words of the boss or colleagues.

4. "It's okay"

If a child fell down, injured their knee or hand, it hurts. The normal reaction is to cry. It means everything is not okay, so it is not necessary to comfort a kid with such words. It is better if you empathize with them, hug, and comfort them. Express your sympathy and desire to help.

5. "You're so..."

10 Phrases Parents Tell Children That Can Give Them Complexes As Adultsmickyso / Shutterstock.com

READ ALSO: 5 Reasons Why Children Don't Listen To Their Parents, According To Experts

They're so – what? Noisy, stubborn, wayward, and even a lot of other characteristics, depending on the parent's mood at the time or concept of the "correctness" of the child. After hearing it enough times, children will start believing that they are no good, at which point they may become intent on pleasing their parents in order to be accepted. In adulthood, they may become so fraught with the rejection of their own desires and needs, that they desperately try to find favor in the eyes of others.

6. "I am on a diet"

If now you are transitioning to a healthy lifestyle, or are starting a more healthy diet to reduce weight and become more active, then you should not use the words “fat” or “ugly.” By hearing those words and seeing a parent constantly on the scale, your child may form a negative body image. It is better to take them with you when you walk or workout, noting that this is a great time for training and communication.

7. "Don't disgrace us"

10 Phrases Parents Tell Children That Can Give Them Complexes As Adultsaltanaka / Shutterstock.com

It is like the “Shame!” brand on the forehead, which won't rub off even well into adulthood. As a result of the pressure of these words, they will do their utmost to get someone's attention and show how good they are. But, even having received the desired signs, they simply don't know how to deal with them. After all, their task was always to hide and not disgrace the parents.

8. "If you love me, then..."

Direct manipulation of the child's feelings who is wired to be loved unconditionally – not because they learn well, clean up the room or do the dishes. By putting a condition on parental love, you can deprive them of the feeling of security that they get from being with you. Increased anxiety has not brought happiness to any adult.

9. "You act like your mother/father"

10 Phrases Parents Tell Children That Can Give Them Complexes As Adultsspixel / Shutterstock.com

Most often these phrases, used in a negative context, reflect poor relationships between parents, which they pour out on their child. This causes dissatisfaction with the mom and dad, sometimes even shame and awkwardness. But one day a son or a daughter will become parents, too. Would they want to become "stubborn and harmful, talkative and angry?" What patterns of behavior are you giving them now? Think about it.

10. "Look at your brother/sister"

Constant comparison with someone adds complexes, which will grow into insecurity and a strong desire to constantly compare oneself with another in adulthood. And most often, it will not be in favor of your child. It is more important to recognize and praise them for their own accomplishments and successes.

Have you recognized yourself here in any of these phrases? Or do you think that you would never say anything like that? Conduct an experiment: record your speech while communicating with your child. Perhaps you will discover more about your vocabulary. And remember: what you say to your child now can backfire on the both of you someday!

READ ALSO: 7 Things Parents Should Teach Their Children Before They Turn 13


The information presented herein is for informational purposes only and does not replace the advice of a certified specialist.